Questions
K = 2y 9m R= 8 m
"Where was I before I was born?" K asked me. We had been talking in the car. I didn't know how to answer her because I don’t know myself. I told her half of her was in Dad and half of her was in me. She probably thought she was some sort of jigsaw puzzle, maybe even came in plastic packaging with instructions for assembly. It was a stupid answer.
Where are we before we are born? Should I try religion on her? We celebrate the holidays but I don't pray. We don't live a spiritual life. How do you answer a question like that without spirituality? Maybe start teaching her about God (who I am not sure I believe in but am too afraid not to). Maybe reincarnation. I could tell her she is lucky to have been born a human and not a snail and then wait to see what she tells her friends at the playground.
Where are we before we are born? There are so many questions I can't answer. I am not talking about the usual questions all children ask like, "Why is it raining?" For these I stutter some answer about weather, winter, and clouds or tell her to ask her father. Some questions can't be answered by looking them up on the net. These ones make me meet my own ignorance and emptiness face to face.
K, R and I were lying in bed one evening. I was putting R to sleep. While nursing her, I was telling K about the day R was born. When we finished that story, I started telling her about when she was born:
"Three years ago, you were a tiny baby inside Mommy's belly," I told K. "Mommy's belly got bigger and bigger as you grew," I continued.
"With R?" K interrupted.
"What with R?" I asked.
"I was with R in Mommy's belly?" K asked, looking at me as if trying to remember herself.
"No, R wasn't there yet," I answered, imaging myself like a human bed-and-breakfast, hosting babies until they check out.
"Where was R?" K asked. Again, I have no answer. I don't know where we are before we are born or where we go when we die.
Sometimes I feel like I am freefalling. There are no rules in my secular world. No holy books or gurus or wise men to consult about life's meaning. This was fine as long as I was alone. Now, though, I have my own fan club looking to me for guidance. I am an inadequate guide, blind and unknowing, lacking in spirituality.
"Where was I before I was born?" K asked me. We had been talking in the car. I didn't know how to answer her because I don’t know myself. I told her half of her was in Dad and half of her was in me. She probably thought she was some sort of jigsaw puzzle, maybe even came in plastic packaging with instructions for assembly. It was a stupid answer.
Where are we before we are born? Should I try religion on her? We celebrate the holidays but I don't pray. We don't live a spiritual life. How do you answer a question like that without spirituality? Maybe start teaching her about God (who I am not sure I believe in but am too afraid not to). Maybe reincarnation. I could tell her she is lucky to have been born a human and not a snail and then wait to see what she tells her friends at the playground.
Where are we before we are born? There are so many questions I can't answer. I am not talking about the usual questions all children ask like, "Why is it raining?" For these I stutter some answer about weather, winter, and clouds or tell her to ask her father. Some questions can't be answered by looking them up on the net. These ones make me meet my own ignorance and emptiness face to face.
K, R and I were lying in bed one evening. I was putting R to sleep. While nursing her, I was telling K about the day R was born. When we finished that story, I started telling her about when she was born:
"Three years ago, you were a tiny baby inside Mommy's belly," I told K. "Mommy's belly got bigger and bigger as you grew," I continued.
"With R?" K interrupted.
"What with R?" I asked.
"I was with R in Mommy's belly?" K asked, looking at me as if trying to remember herself.
"No, R wasn't there yet," I answered, imaging myself like a human bed-and-breakfast, hosting babies until they check out.
"Where was R?" K asked. Again, I have no answer. I don't know where we are before we are born or where we go when we die.
Sometimes I feel like I am freefalling. There are no rules in my secular world. No holy books or gurus or wise men to consult about life's meaning. This was fine as long as I was alone. Now, though, I have my own fan club looking to me for guidance. I am an inadequate guide, blind and unknowing, lacking in spirituality.
posted by jo @ 4:25 PM
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